Laura Yates uses her difference to make a difference by providing people with the support, mindsets, tools and techniques to recover from a break-up and heal from heartbreak.
Hello! My name is Laura Yates, I’m from the UK and am a relationship coach and writer. I specialise in helping people through break-ups and heartbreak and work with clients to guide them on the journey that will address the emotions they are experiencing, prepare them to build emotional connections with new people, get back on the dating scene and when they are ready, find a new relationship. Much of the most valuable work I do however, involves helping people achieve fulfillment in their own lives as an individual.
Many people often comment that what I do is quite….unusual. Initially they can look at me with a somewhat glazed expression when I tell them I’m a ‘break-up coach’! But when I get to the nitty gritty of what I do, it doesn’t take too long for people to see exactly why there is a need for it. Everyone goes through break-ups and let’s face it, they’re not usually pleasant experiences. In fact, they can cause a great deal of emotional trauma and the impact that can have on us physically and mentally is a big deal. So I help people heal from that but in a way that enables them to face the emotions head on whilst focusing on moving forward and not dwelling, wallowing or falling into a victim mentality.
I do often get asked what inspired me to move into this niche area of coaching and I have to say, it’s mainly through personal experience. I’ve been through 3 significant break-ups in my life, all of which varied in nature but I learned a great deal from each. I analysed what I did in those break-ups that propelled me forwards, what held me back and what helped me heal. It was my most recent break-up with someone I loved a great deal that was the actual catalyst to take my coaching in this specific direction though. I wrote about my experience of the break-up and it seemed to resonate and strike a chord with many people – particularly men, in fact. I definitely didn’t anticipate this but now I mostly work with men! People would email me saying that my articles had helped them and asked whether I offer a coaching service tailored towards getting through a break-up. I suppose I spotted a ‘gap in the market’ but also knew I could genuinely and proactively help people with something that can be incredibly tough to deal with. With coaching – particularly in the lifestyle niche, it can sometimes be a challenge to measure its benefits or long-term success tangibly so I like to offer people very practical steps whereby they can feel and see the benefits.
Some of the core ways in which I help people include looking after their physical health, nurturing their emotional health, building a support network, creating new habits, managing their attitude and actions towards their ex-partner (yes, this includes the issue of social media!), setting personal goals, engaging in activities that make them feel good and ultimately, bringing the focus back to them. The tendency is often to get so consumed with the ex partner and what they are doing, and that only makes us suffer more. It’s like reliving the pain of the break-up over and over again. You wouldn’t run on a broken ankle; you have to rest it in order for it to heal. With break-ups however, we tend to go into emotional self-sabotage mode where we do things or engage in thoughts that prolong the pain we’re feeling. So the key is working to focus solely on yourself and rebuilding your confidence and perspective. Of course, there isn’t one size fits all ‘process’ and with each step, I go into great detail. Every client’s experience is different and so I work on a very bespoke basis.
When people feel ready to date or find a new relationship, I also offer clients tools and techniques they can apply to create new mindsets and behaviours to be able to approach and connect with people. General conversation and interaction skills are so key in establishing those deeper emotional connections. Where my work becomes a little more lighthearted is where I then help people with the whole dating process!
As a natural introvert, I do find that many clients find this appealing in me as a coach as they are often shy or introverts themselves. Like attracts like I suppose! I have a genuine understanding of the challenges that can arise as a result of this – and more so, what you can do to embrace it and make impact without changing your personality.
I love the work I do. There is honestly no better feeling than seeing someone come through the other side of their break-up feeling happier and more fulfilled. And to see them value themselves. The journey enables them to grow, become more dynamic as a person and learn to build emotional connections with people who are more aligned to their wants and needs. It’s certainly a unique job but an incredibly rewarding one!